If you’re having an existential crisis, trouble sleeping and painstaking curiosity about Pumpkin Spice flavored foods, we’ve got your back. We scavenged our local Target for Pumpkin Spice goodies and gave some brutally honest reviews. 

Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate Squares Caramel Apple Fall:

Amanda Fronczak: We were breaking the rules with these since they’re not actually pumpkin spice, but I thought they might be worth it. This was not the case. I’m disappointed and out $6. (5/10)

Peyton Anderson: I had very high expectations for these because I’m in love with the plain caramel squares, but these did not do caramel apple justice. The apple was so overwhelming and artificial, and there was minimal caramel flavor. (4/10).  

Pepperidge Farm Limited Edition Dunkin’ Pumpkin Spice Goldfish: 

AF: I was so excited for these because Peyton really hyped them up. Were they good? Yes. Were they great? No. They tasted more like snickerdoodle graham crackers as opposed to pumpkin spice. Minus a couple points for false advertising. (5/10)

PA: I do admit that I may have hyped these up a little too much because the first time I tried these I was probably really hungry. They were definitely good, but tasted like graham crackers and that’s it. (6/10)

Favorite Day Pumpkin with White Chocolate Chip Crisp Cookie:

AF: I was expecting these to be bigger cookies, but they were quarter-sized pieces. First red flag. Whoever said these were pumpkin-flavored is a pathological liar. They took a batch of snickerdoodle cookies and threw them in a box that said Pumpkin Spice and called it a day. (5/10)

PA: I was greatly disappointed because the bag made them look like the Pillsbury cookies that are big, soft and delightful, but I was so wrong. These were not soft but crunchy and did not taste like pumpkin at all. These were just small, crumbly, white chocolate cookies with false advertising. Would not recommend it. (6/10) 

Jet-Puffed Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows:

AF: These were terrible. Disgraceful. (1/10)

PA: These were a big no in my book and I do not recommend these to anyone. They did not taste like pumpkin or even anything at all and left a weird, gross aftertaste in my mouth. (1/10) 

We took our leftover pumpkin marshmallows that we knew would never be touched again and shared them with our Tualatin High School community to get their ratings as well. We gained a Wolf staff average of 4.02/10, and a school wide average of 5/10. 

Here are some notable responses that we received along the way:

“Good texture. Very pumpkiny. 7.5/10”- Tryon Thompson, teacher

“These are fire. Awful aftertaste. 7/10”- Timmy Parsons, senior

“This is weird. Smells good, though. 6/10”- Ronnie White, teacher 

“So cute. 6.5/10”- Tullia Salboro, senior

“Solid 8/10”- Bobby Roberson, teacher

*Gags aggressively*- Ethan Glick, senior