What if I had never moved? What if that girl from my W.E.B. group on the first day of 6th grade never invited me to sit with her friends? If I hadn’t transferred high schools, would I still talk to them? What if I had never dropped that class? What if I never added them back? What if I had chosen the other college?

With a major chapter of my life coming to a close, it is leaving my mind swimming with “What if?” scenarios one after another. What could I have missed out on if I hadn’t made some of the decisions I did? It’s hard for me to just be present and not overthink what the future will hold. Will I have enough time to get through undergrad and medical school, muster up the funds for a place of my own, somehow fit in traveling, along with all the other mystery side routes life will throw at me? What my mind used to do was come up with magical scenarios and explanations for the world around me – fairy houses, enchanted mermaid necklaces and anticipation for my Hogwarts letter. Those innocent notions are now twisted into anxious spirals about a theoretical idea of the “real world.” 

I saw a very sweet post that talked about how when you turn 18, you are also still 10, and 7 and 3. You are all the ages that have supported how you’ve grown into the person you are now. I’ve tried to muster up bringing out 6-year-old Tullia whenever I see a pretty moss-covered stump and imagine all the fairies that live inside of it. 13-year-old me reminds me that all the hours of studying will pay off with all the people we will help one day. Even though 18 years have passed, it is a tiny little point of what the rest of my life will look like. I might as well enjoy what time I have left as a kid. 

High school is hard. Middle school is arguably harder. Elementary school seems like a breeze now, but the lack of Shopkins in my collection compared to my best friend’s was a tough thing to overcome. Adulthood will be hard, but worrying about what it will hold isn’t going to make any difference. I’ve found that it’s much more valuable for myself and my future to hold on to each day and do what I can with it. In 10 years, those “what if?” scenarios won’t matter; I’m going to remember the places I went, the people I met, the mistakes and the successes. 

Next time your mind starts to wander to the “What if?” scenarios, remind yourself that life is too short to be worrying about whether that C you got on your test will damage your chances of getting into the school you want (it won’t – and if it does, it means you weren’t meant to be there! New opportunities will open up instead, which will be even better than you would’ve thought). 

I think Master Oogway sums it up the best when he says,“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”