Maybe it started in elementary school advanced math, or when I was banned from entrepreneurship in fourth grade after starting my “nonprofit” origami box business. Maybe it was the second grade handwriting competitions that shaped the way I write my e’s to this day. Maybe it’s that I’ve lived what feel like 10 different lives in the past four, and with each one it became more and more evident that getting to every class on time was not my top priority (I don’t recommend it, but I do recommend eating breakfast). Also, I actually think I’m going to miss Harvey yelling at me to get to class every day. More honestly, though, it’s been all the ways society and my surroundings have made me feel that anything less than exceptional or high achieving in one or another aspect of my life is failure. 

What I wish I could have told my younger self, specifically 12-year-old me after being told by my coach that I was not fast and bad at cross-country, is that, it’s not failure. Actually, you will literally be completely fine and better off being bad at cross-country than having to endure a sport that made you cry every day for weeks! 

When I reflect on the countless times I’ve been disappointed in myself or my circumstances, almost every single one I can accredit to building my character into who I am right now. I’ve learned to look at failure, sometimes, as maybe the best thing that could’ve happened to me, even though in the moment it feels like, and sometimes is, the absolute worst. 

Often, I think we spend so much time and energy trying to decide what’s next or figure out what our “thing” is that we forget that we are first and foremost a body of organs, keeping us alive, existing on an Earth that’s floating in a galaxy surrounded by planets and stars. So when it feels like the decisions you make, the things you don’t do or wish you did do, the regrets you have and the failures you encounter have become a little too serious, you’ve been carrying them a little too heavily, remember that you are a small person among other small people trying to do your best. 

 At the end of the day, who cares that you faked being sick in second grade so that you could miss school? What I want to know is, was it fun? Did you enjoy it? Are you happy? To an extent, that’s the kind of energy that we need more of in the world, doing things that people would say you shouldn’t do  just because it’s what you needed that day. We linger, just trying to meet others’ expectations so much that we forget that what’s best for us is not what other people tell us is best for us; what’s best for us is that we decide what’s best for us. 

When that mindset feels unrealistic, because, regardless, you still have to face the realities society has chosen to present you with, consider this:

I was talking to my mom the other day and she said, “If you ever find yourself asking, ‘What am I going to do?’ you should ask yourself, ‘Who am I going to be?’ instead.” 

It’s the more important question because what you choose to do is never as valuable as who you choose to be when you go about it. In the end, you always have yourself, and regardless of things you feel you must do, you at least have control over who you are. For me, that is the most comforting constant in life. 

So next time you are stuck feeling like something is so big and serious, remember that you’ll be okay because you are you, and no one can take that from you.