The holidays are made out to be an exciting time of the year with families getting together and participating in fun holiday activities. For many, this is not the case. 

Whether you’ve lost someone years ago or recently, the holidays are often a hard time. There may be an empty chair at Thanksgiving or a framed photo on the Christmas mantle that upsets us. Whatever it is that reminds us of our lost loved one, this feeling can make someone no longer interested in celebrating.

“I lost a loved one right before the holidays, but I was able to get through family dinners by taking a walk beforehand,” said one Tualatin High School  student.

You may feel pressure to join in family activities, or may want to opt-out all together. Grief does not go away when the Menorah comes out; it persists throughout the season of Christmas jingles. It’s understandable to be upset, but spending time with people who may be feeling similarly is beneficial. It’s not ignoring the elephant in the room; it’s moving forward and celebrating those who’ve passed by honoring traditions.

“Through many years of coping, I realized I’m so lucky to still have her in my memories,” said another TuHS student who has experienced loss.

 If you’ve lost a family member who took upon roles in tradition, you can honor old times by filling those roles. Cut the turkey that your loved one used to cut, as it also allows for your family to avoid that moment of “Who will do it now?” Honoring these traditions honors the individual and keeps their memory present.

It’s important to think of coping mechanisms before these stressful times to prevent you from shutting family out or turning to harmful distractions, like abusing substances. Traditions are meant to be done together, but sometimes grief turns us away from other people. Don’t resist this way of grieving if that is what helps. Walks or journaling before and after family gatherings may help us have a moment to gather our thoughts and put them aside for some time in order to enjoy time with family. 

Try to enjoy this time off work and school as difficult as it may be.