Without realizing, we feel and experience things we don’t know are making us who we are. Being lost in the moment or not thinking much of it are both examples of this lack of realization, but lacking this realization is not a bad thing; it’s inevitable. 

 It’s like the whole “You don’t realize what you have ‘til it’s gone” saying. There are a lot of sayings, quotes, and lyrics that have inspired me to write this, though I never imagined I’d have this opportunity to write about it. 

Thinking about how all of the things I went through all contributed to exactly where I am now gives me this sense of comfort in a fleeting moment. While going through those things, I either thought my life was over or that I would be stuck in some cycle of never improving or changing, when in reality, I was changing so immensely the entire time.

 My perception of everyone around me changed, my perception of the world changed, and most importantly my perception of myself changed. It took four years of high school to alter my thinking, and I will never be able to confirm whether it was a good or bad thing, but in the grand scheme of things, I am where I am meant to be. 

Hearing people tell me “you have a purpose” without ever knowing what that purpose was felt like spinning a broken record. I always knew people who said things like that were nice people, and I knew what they meant, but I didn’t understand why they would tell me that when I told them I felt alone and watched them leave. I got used to this thinking that everyone is just going to keep telling me the same stuff in an attempt to help when all I wanted was to be truly heard or seen. 

Looking back, I learned that being told you have a purpose means more than the surface meaning, and all of the people that I met, I met for a reason. You have a million purposes; you have endless possibilities awaiting you. There isn’t just one specific purpose with your name on it, but a lifetime of experiences only you will experience. 

The world didn’t end in high school. If the world was actually ending, what would I remember? It is comforting to know that wherever I end up or whoever I become, my “place in the world” or “purpose” never mattered because I was only in high school. 

My place in the world was being there for my friends, or eating teriyaki chicken and rice in my room while watching Gravity Falls. It was walking my dog in pretty places I’ll take pictures of to show people. My purpose was listening to my mom tell me everything will be okay, and telling her the same thing. My purpose was apologizing. My purpose was learning without realizing I was learning, and I hope to always have this purpose.