Disclaimer: This article is satire (noun; the use of humor to criticize people’s stupidity). You are going to cringe. I may or may not already be banging my head into the nearest wall. That’s supposed to happen. For the love of all that is good in this world, do not take this story seriously.
Y/N’s petite frame shivered in the harsh winter weather. The North Pole was especially frigid this time of year, and there was snow everywhere. Her four-foot-long golden blonde hair whipped around in the wind, temporarily blinding her as she stumbled in the deep snow. She was starting to lose feeling in her toes as she trudged on.
Just as the snow was getting so thick that Y/N could barely see over it, a tall figure approached her. He was a jolly fellow wearing a red suit and matching red hat, with a big white beard and clunky black boots. He stretched out his hand and pulled Y/N out of the freezing snow. She stared at him with her crystal blue orbs, blinking away the snowflakes that had gotten caught in her long eyelashes. She released the breath she didn’t even know she was holding.
“Ho ho ho,” the man said. “Are you alright?”
“Santa Claus?!” Y/N gasped.
“Yes, it’s me, Saint Nick,” Santa chuckled. “Why are you in the North Pole, Y/N?”
“Because you put me on the naughty list!” Y/N suddenly swung at Santa. “I swear if I get coal in my stocking this year–!”
Santa held his nose, where Y/N had punched him. “Just for that, you’ll be on the naughty list next year too!”
Snow started flying around everywhere as Y/N continued to punch Santa, because even though she was “so clumsy” and always bumped into her tall (usually male) classmates and dropped her books on the floor, she just so happened to be the strongest. Why? Because she was Y/N, and she had, like, a million older brothers to teach her martial arts, or something like that.
Suddenly, Santa struck Y/N across the face, and she went flying backward. She stared up at the sky, cursing herself for coming all this way for nothing.
“Hey!” A mysterious voice shouted. “You keep away from her!”
Y/N looked up to see that a fuzzy, green and handsome figure had come to her rescue.
“Is that… the Grinch?!”
