Every year, it seems as though right after breakup season, cuffing season arises. In other words, people start holding hands in the hallways,walking around together during class and posting each other on Instagram. Everyone seems to have found their person, and you’re left feeling like the only one still holding onto what used to be yours. As you watch everyone else moving on to their new beginnings, you feel left in the past.
A breakup can take a long time to heal from. As time goes on and you start flowing through the stages of grief, you may begin to miss your person and your relationship. These feelings are normal, but they are hard to process. There’s no secret set of steps to be able to get through this phase, but there is one very wrong way to deal with it, and that’s going back.
I was with a boy for about a year and a half. When I say that, it might sound like a long time, but it felt longer because we were so off and on. One month we were together, and the next we were broken up. We loved each other a lot, but knowing we weren’t good for each other, we would end it. But having so much love for each other and being so comfortable with each other, we just kept getting back together. For a moment, it was like being back in the honeymoon phase all over again, but that would only last so long. Then, we would fight, break up and promise to actually be done this time, and the never-ending heartbreak of the cycle would continue.
We all think once or twice about getting back with our exes, but as someone who’s been in that situation – multiple times – don’t go back.
This person is your ex for a reason. A lot of times we tend to experience dissociative amnesia, which is when our brains block out memories about ourselves that are characterized as traumatic or distressing in order to protect us; when this happens, we are hyper-focused on the good of the relationship instead of reminding ourselves about all the reasons the relationship didn’t work. Think about your relationship as a whole, analyze it and remember why you broke up.
You need to grow. When a relationship ends, it opens doors to so many new things for you. Take time to grow. Focus on yourself. Going back to your ex can impede personal growth and development and keep you from being able to move on. By going back, you’re repeating the same old story.
Time is limited, but opportunities are endless. There are so many things to experience and see and feel in life that you haven’t yet. Going back is giving your time again to something that you’ve already tried. Try something new. Go somewhere, learn a new language, learn an instrument, start playing a sport; put that time and energy into something different. Understand that there is so much more life to live. There is so much life outside of that one person.
Above all, learn to love yourself first. Protect your peace and prioritize your happiness and well-being.
Yes, it’s hard and emotionally exhausting, and doing the right thing is one of the most difficult decisions you can make. But don’t go back. You deserve to move on, so allow yourself that freedom and leave them in the past.
