The back seat of my family car was only for me. I’d always sit on the left side and have all the extra free space to myself. My bed was half-filled with stuffed animals because I was always scared of the cold, empty space my sole body couldn’t fill. When people slept over at my house, it felt like an infiltration. This space was only meant for three: my mother, father and me.
I grew used to this emptiness and made a friend out of it. I always found ways to entertain myself, no matter the circumstance. I now always end up overpacking, to a fault, due to the fear of boredom when I travel. For as long as I can remember, I’ve collected minifigures to fill my room, my hands and my time. I used to always have a bag filled to the brim with items to soothe my childhood loneliness. The unwavering love and attention from my parents have led to my incredible independence, but also to my never-ending persistence.
This is an example of the two vastly different sides to being an only child. One is full of gratitude and love for my family, as I am the sole child of my whole family that lives in the States, but there’s also a sense of longing for someone to be by my side, no matter what.
I think being an only child is the reason for my determination and extreme care for others, but also my fear of commitment and endless searching for validation and assurance from others. As a sibling-less kid, I’ve always yearned for hand-me-downs and long road trips with others my age. This sense of structure and support is something that all children crave, no matter if they are the youngest of 10 or the last kid in their family tree; everyone wants love, and we can find it in the strangest places.
TuHS teacher Steve Johnson commented on his experience raising an only daughter.
“We were worried that she would miss out on things that come with siblings and being able to have someone to play with. I think there still is a little of that concern, but I also think she was able to find her community,” Johnson said.
He also gives advice for students with and without siblings.
“If you have moments where you feel like you’re missing out on something, when you have siblings, I think it’s important to know that you are in charge of who your family is. You can find friends and people in your life that can be like your brothers and sisters …. Just because you have a genetic connection to somebody doesn’t always mean that that relationship is good for you. Go find your family, go find your siblings because you have you. It’s an empowering thing to know that you get to pick.”
Being an only child can add unique insight and experiences to life. In this way, it almost makes family and connection even more important. It is hard to handle the independence of not having siblings to grow up with. But the lovely thing about life is that you are meant to find family in all places. Love is everywhere around you, so go find it.
