Aries- Mar. 21-Apr. 19

Try something new! Throw yourself into a different routine, buy a new dress, visit that one smoothie shop you’ve been eyeing for a while! And then remember that yellow isn’t your color and that kale smoothie isn’t agreeing with you all that much. It was written in the stars that change isn’t for everyone, especially not you.

Taurus- Apr. 20-May 20

Have you been stretching out those last $10 to buy a 10 pack of chicken nuggets and Coca Cola from McDonalds? It may be time for you, fellow Tauruses, to get a job! That way you’ll have independence and freedom to do what you’d like with your money. Keep in mind that capitalism is alive and well and won’t be leaving anytime soon. Have fun!

Gemini- May 21- June 20

A thirst for adventure is deep inside you, slowly bubbling its way up to the surface to explode in a wave of tenacity and excitement! Greet the days’ changes with open arms. In your case, change means switching out those crusty PJs you’ve been wearing for the past week and finding something new to watch on Netflix. Eventually, you just settle for “The Office” and realize laundry is for the weak. Maybe start next week?

Cancer- June 21-July 22

Your dreams are the pathway to your desires, success and happiness. Interpret with great calculation and use this information accordingly. Except the fact that your dreams have been plagued by reruns of vines “that butter my croissant” and the ever-classic “I lost my clothes at school” scenario. Pursue a path in foolery, perhaps?

Leo- July 23-Aug. 22

Your instincts are your moral compass for life. Follow them and your feelings and put faith into the process. Faith isn’t so kind when you decide to dye your hair green and get a tattoo on your arm. “Love Sarah Forever,” right? Until that untimely breakup the day after. It’s not you, it’s her!

Virgo- Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Knowledge is power. Seek knowledge out and reap its benefits. It will open your mind and heart to a plethora of opportunities and connections. Knowledge of Disney characters, arctic penguins and famous gum flavors are as close as you get to Aristotle in your region of “knowledge.” Stay in school!

Libra- Sept. 23-Oct. 22

Your nightmares are a test run or experiment for understanding your inner feelings in a safe way. They open the mind to what’s really going on in your life. What are you feeling? Anger? Happiness? Sorrow? Tranquility? It’s most definitely anger. One of your friends still owes you $20! You’ll be channeling that anger all right, in a safe manner of course!

Scorpio- Oct. 23- Nov. 21

Are you fulfilling your best potential? Are you working towards making your dreams and goals tangible? Hey, we all slip up once in a while. It’s normal. Anyway, your current goal is to determine how long you can survive on coffee and Cheez-Its and if you can graduate high school on a total of two hours of sleep daily. Keep going strong! You might even get into the Guiness Book of World Records!

Sagittarius- Nov. 22- Dec. 21

Acquiring new skills is always a perk to learning and growing in any way you can. Maybe even picking up a new hobby or sport sounds interesting. How about “Longest Time Spent Watching Friends Re-Runs” or “Largest Amount of Pasta Consumed in One Sitting.” You might want to get ahead while you can! I can see someone eyeing the spaghetti already.

Capricorn- Dec. 22- Jan. 19

Let yourself be a little selfish! Stand up for yourself! Speak your affirmations and goals into the universe and don’t back down until you’ve achieved all that you’ve wanted. Then, allow yourself to have the crippling realization that you’re being constantly flooded with a mass of homework, chores, goals and other aspects of life that keep you from concentrating on your needs. Not to mention the fact that you’re a reclusive introvert who only leaves your room for your sixth consecutive cup of coffee whilst shaking wildly.

Aquarius- Jan. 20- Feb. 18

Taking risks and being bold and courageous is right up your alley. You know exactly what to do when an amazing opportunity comes around the corner again, ready to be conquered. You bolt in the opposite direction and pray that no one saw you coming. So much for courage then.

Pisces- Feb. 19-Mar. 20

Life is a constantly demanding and exhausting essence that repeatedly asks us for attention and energy that we sometimes don’t have to give. Get on the self-care train and take a little you-time. Who doesn’t like to treat themselves once in a while? A little self-care never hurt anyone! That is, until the self-care spirals into a declined debit card, large amounts of unnecessary clothing and multiple boxes of face masks used to cover up the real problems that need tending. Would you mind passing me that hand massager? It’s good for knots in your wrist!