The Student News Site of Tualatin High School

The Wolf

The Student News Site of Tualatin High School

The Wolf

The Student News Site of Tualatin High School

The Wolf


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Andrew Gerlach
Sports Editor

Banana Bread: Savior of the universe

Photo courtesy of Frida Ruiz

At first sight, banana bread appears trivial, a valueless baked good wholly unimportant. But with a closer, more nuanced and intentional look, banana bread is shown to be an astoundingly complicated and profound item, with its significance far surpassing any other single thing. Abounding in spectacular qualities, the bread is quite possibly a solution to all of humanity’s problems.

This is a conclusion we came to after our recent baking adventure. Having decided to try out the process, we first began at the grocery store, picking out the perfect family of bananas for the coming task. Five were selected, whose quality seemed unquestionably perfect; destined to end their lives in our batch, the bananas were left willingly in the unknown depths of our cart, joining the other ingredients ready to fulfill their use-values in similarly abject fates.

We gathered salt, flour, sugar and the special ingredient of maple syrup, mixing all into a singular bowl before letting it rest and pouring the mixture into an appropriate cooking 9”x5” pan. In the 65 minutes it took to cook, we took a short intermission trip to Goodwill, where – because the banana bread Gods had blessed our day – Frida Ruiz found a nice, wool, plaid skirt.

After letting the banana bread out of the oven and allowing it to cool for a few minutes, we got ready for the moment of truth: a taste test from the world’s leading banana bread critics.

Having the greatest claim to the bread, we were first to try it; but on our initial bite we realized a crucial error: it tasted horrible. A 5 and 6 out of 10 respectively: failure. This was a devastating development, and we became incredibly nervous for the coming critics’ opinions.

Tualatin High School student Chris Parra gave the first feedback. We could see tears welling in his eyes, the verdict so catastrophic he refused to tell us before fellow student and critic Sam Ashley gave his analysis. Ashley delivered the blow: 3.2/10. Parra concurred with an equally scathing 4/10, as well as students Mya Carbray and Rachael Sanford, each hovering around 5/10. 

At first, we were defeated, hopeless and in ruins. All the hard baking work was for nothing. That was, until the exorbitantly expensive organic honey was introduced. This condiment seemed to flip the world on its head. Soon, everyone was in agreement, giving 8s, 9s and 10s. Clearly, the bread was not complete without the honey’s addition. 

The turnaround was amazing, the ground seemed to shake and the sky turned red. If only banana bread could be experienced by all, then maybe things would be different.

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About the Contributors
Frida Ruiz
Frida Ruiz, Staff Writer & Graphics Team
Hi, my name is Frida Ruiz and it's my first year on The Wolf! I decided to join newspaper because I've always admired any and every type of journalism.
Liam Frith
Liam Frith, Entertainment Editor
Hi, my name is Liam and I'm a junior. This is my first year on staff. I joined The Wolf because I enjoy writing and would love to contribute to our school paper. In my free time I like to skateboard, read, and listen to music.

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