Preparing for off-campus teacher encounter: game plan

Shea Carlberg, Copy Editor

It’s Saturday and you just got done with a solid workout. You’re feeling pumped at the store, the world is good and—oh no, it’s your second-period teacher walking towards you. 

You’re thinking, Why are they here? Don’t they have a separate store that teachers shop at? Your palms are sweaty, not to mention the whole rest of your body after you were on that grind. What do you do? There’s no pole in sight to hide behind, and it’s a little too late to duck. 

To save yourself from total embarrassment, a game plan is a necessary step. Here is a rundown of ways to prepare before a cataclysmic incident like this occurs.

First, let’s discuss your attire. For one, a mask is definitely on your side here; it’s a perfect disguise for some prominent features that teachers can find hard to recognize without. I would suggest ordering some masks that cover a majority of your face from the top of your nose to below your chin. 

If you don’t have time to plan out your outfit, I advise you to be prepared to explain why you are wearing this, what you are purchasing and what your intentions are. Yes, the teacher might seem a little nosy at this point, but it’s the only thing you can do to save yourself from excruciating humiliation as you hold a can of Cheez Whiz (especially considering the fact that they may bring it up in class).

Oregon doesn’t guarantee a sunny day, but still keep sunglasses with you as you enter a grocery store for good measure. 

Another critical point to consider is what to say before the awkward silence rips through the air. Start by being polite and asking how they and their family are doing. If the conversation keeps going, the best next step would be to ask them if they’ve picked up any new hobbies—that is definitely a hot topic these days. 

Your final step (literally) can be done at the point of reading this; I call this the pivot. Master a dance move so you can immediately spin around before your eyes meet and avoid the situation entirely. YouTube is a good source for this or some TikTok videos, and if all else fails, I would recommend you make one up at your leisure. Be aware that this must be executed correctly or you might bring more attention to yourself. There’s no such thing as over-preparing for walking into your local grocery store.

With these in mind, you might be able to survive a conversation with your teacher in very unfamiliar territory, with the least amount of embarrassment. Maybe you became closer than before. All in all, you did your best and, who knows, that teacher might be inspired to buy the same cereal as you.

Best of luck out there. The world is big, but we’ve got you covered.