Bad news ahead: February wins prize for most-hated month

Atticus Chames, Staff Writer

What is the proper rating, from worst to best, of the twelve months in a year? There is much debate within the month-ranking community about what the true order of this list should be, and it’s clear that we’re in desperate need of an expert’s opinion. Lucky for you, I am that expert. 

Here is the most accurate, completely unbiased and definitive ranking of every month in the Gregorian calendar. 


  1. February:


The first and worst month on this list is February. It’s too dark, too cold, nobody’s in a good mood, it’s peak flu season and it’s really hard to spell. There actually might have been a thirteenth spot if it weren’t for Valentine’s Day.  


  1. January:


Appearance-wise, it’s like December but devoid of anything happy. People like January because it symbolizes “new beginnings,” which I get, but you have to admit the month itself is disappointing. 


  1. March:


March is supposed to mark the beginning of spring, but really it’s just a slightly better sequel to February. This one ranks a little higher because of spring break. 


  1. September:


Summer officially ends, but it’s not all bad. Football begins on the 8th this year.


  1. April:


It’s actually spring, and you have to do your taxes.


  1. May


The better version of April, with way too many “May the Fourth” jokes. 


  1. August


Probably the worst month of summer. Really, you’re just counting the days until September rolls around. 


  1. November


It’s getting colder, but it’s not too cold. Unlike the first few months of the year, there is a festive tone, which makes the transition into colder and dimmer days a little more bearable. Also, there’s another break from school.


  1. June


It’s finally summer. School’s out for a while and you might as well do nothing for a week or two. You don’t need to drag coats everywhere you go. It’s the Friday of the year. 


  1. July


Summer plans are in motion, and you’ve forgotten about school for the most part. You can take a few days off work to go to the beach or to watch a movie with your friends. All in all, it’s a great month. 


  1. October


The best month in fall. The temperature is just cool enough to warrant the occasional hot cocoa break, and Halloween gives us an excuse to give up on our diets.


  1. December


And lastly, the best month of all, December. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and lots of other holidays are happening simultaneously. The mood is generally better all around, and then you get to celebrate again at the end of the month with New Year’s Eve. Snow is a welcome sight, since you haven’t seen it all year, and nobody is going to question you for eating all day.