TuHS witnessed a grand spectacle of skill and creativity from our fellow students at the annual Tualatin High School talent show on March 13. Unfortunately, a few acts were unable to perform for us on the 13^th, so we would like to recognize them now.

Junior Ash Sparks was a shoo-in for first place with his fire breathing act. Sparks described his act as, “Hot,” with flaming hula hoops and juggling balls all topped off by shooting flames right out of his mouth. Sadly,  Ash’s dreams of talent show glory were crushed when he missed his audition due to a sore throat.

Senior Odin McDonald was swiftly denied after auditioning an unusual duet with his friend Jack, the yodeling donkey. The judges told McDonald that the performance was, “Completely asinine and Odin made a total…fool of himself. Not to mention the smell.”

A group of freshman football players attempted to  recreate Beyoncé’s 2013 Super Bowl halftime performance, but were instead forced to dance and sing to royalty-free YouTube background loops due to copyright. Despite the boys’ considerable effort and preparation, not a single lady or gentleman on the judges’ panel was impressed. The group would like to note that the power remained on through the duration of their performance.

Judges were shocked when sophomore Stormi Nimbus chose to demonstrate her ability to summon lightning. Nimbus did not make the cut, as she has since been suspended for unsafe activity on school grounds. Two stage hands experienced minor burns but are expected to make a full recovery.

Finally we saw a performance from Tualatin’s very own Wolfie, whose interpretive dance to the TuHS fight song was quite unique. The act was cut due to judges’ concerns that Wolfie’s final trick of removing his head and chucking into the audience would be traumatic for children in the audience.

All of the rejected participants reported that they were not giving up on their dreams just yet.