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The Wolf

The Student News Site of Tualatin High School

The Wolf

The Student News Site of Tualatin High School

The Wolf


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Daisy Valencia
Staff Writer

New Year’s resolutions for dummies help Wolves ring in New Year

Art by Sam Dunn

It’s that time of the year again. The weather is awful, school is hard and the new year is about to begin. Nothing is better than feeling the pressure of being your best self while the seasonal depression is in full swing. Just remember, once you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up! 

Now, let’s talk about the impossible resolutions you will make when the clock strikes 12 a.m.. Start the year out with a New Year’s kiss? Not a chance. The only thing that will be touching your lips is a red solo cup, and that’s only to try to drown out the sound of everyone else and their New Year’s Eve kiss. Ugh. Do you really think this is your year? Trying to better yourself is as hard as telling your girlfriend she was right. (She’s not.)  

How long will it take for you to revert back to last year’s you? Are you hoping to go to the gym every day? Not gonna happen. Are you thinking “I’m going to eat healthy”?  That won’t last longer than a week. I am not trying to be mean; I am just being real. Don’t feel bad that you can’t achieve that clean girl aesthetic. Not everyone can be as perfect as them. 

Do you want to know how to make the best New Year’s resolutions? Let me help you! 

First, you need to pick an activity you want to do more of. For example: the gym. Then, push your absolute limits and go to the gym every morning at 5:30. Perfect! You know you’ve never been up before the sun is out, but who cares! Waking up at the crack of dawn can’t be that hard. 

Also, make sure you are on a strict diet that will end up making you starve. It’s totally okay that every meal tastes like dirt with a hint of chemicals. 

Lastly, to really make you cry, go ahead and try to get an A in IB Bio. Good luck!  

Have a great New Year. It will be as bad as the last.

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Makayla Simonelic, Staff Writer

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