The Wolf presents a guide to eating your way through Valentine’s Day


Graphic by Isabella Kneeshaw.

Amanda Fronczak, Co-Humor Editor

Conversation Hearts: 

We need to stop lying and finally admit Conversation Hearts are mid. Don’t get me wrong; they are a Valentine’s Day essential, but you can’t tell me these will sweep your crush off their feet. They’re adorable and embody the spirit of Feb. 14, but beyond their looks, they don’t bring much to the table. In terms of appearance, they get a 10/10, but taste they’re a 6/10. 


Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts: 

There’s something so majestic about a holiday-shaped Reese’s. The classic Reese’s are good, but when they’re shaped like a heart, Easter egg or Christmas Tree, they’re even better. Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts might not be the most symmetrical or perfectly-shaped heart, but they have character, and that’s a 10/10 in my book. 


Lindt Lindor Truffles: 

Lindor Truffles need to be humbled. Lindors have had their time in the spotlight, but quite frankly, their superiority complexes are overpowering, just like their flavor. These chocolates are just too rich and not worth the debt you’ll incur after buying a bag. I’m being generous with a 3/10. 


Dove Chocolate Hearts: 

Dove Chocolates are what Lindors think they taste like. Doves are flawless pieces of chocolate that never disappoint. If someone buys you a bag of Dove Chocolate Hearts this Valentine’s Day, you have found yourself a 10/10, just like these chocolates. 


7-oz Hershey Kiss: 

If you’re looking for something to get your enemy for Valentine’s Day, this is the one! I mean how do you even eat this ginormous Hershey Kiss? It’s nearly impossible to bite and equally as difficult to cut, so you’re left with one option: regift! This monstrosity will be the gift that keeps on giving. Considering all these flaws, the only suitable rating is 1/10. 


Sweet Tart Conversation Hearts:

These are incredible. Sweet Tart Conversation Hearts are delicious, aesthetically pleasing, and add their own spin on the OG Conversation Hearts. These are a perfect alternative if you’re not a fan of Conversation Hearts but still want to be called a “cutie” or be told “I’m yours” by a piece of candy. Everyone wins! These would be a 10/10, but the yellow hearts, which are lemon flavored, bring these down to an 8/10.